The Law of Allowing: Why is it so Hard?

Last Updated on August 26, 2024 by Jan Barley

The law of allowing is likely one of the biggest stumbling blocks you knowingly or unknowingly encounter during your journey to manifest the life of your dreams.

Why is that?

Well, for one thing, you’re human; for another, we try to manipulate what is, gain control, influence the outcome, chase goals, and generally fight against anything that isn’t on our perceived map of reality.

Is It Genuinely Possible To Be OK With Whatever Does And Doesn’t Happen?

When my fiancé died in a cycling accident in 2020, my brain turned to fish food. I couldn’t grasp how David could be alive one minute and gone from my life forever in the space of an hour. Shock has a nasty effect on you physically and mentally, and I had so many things to contemplate about the impact on my life.

I clung to spiritual practices for five months before I moved to a smaller rental. Because the loss crushed my mental resources, I relied on the law of attraction to put me in the right place in front of the right people. I couldn’t help myself, so I prayed for guiding hands.

Alongside coping with the grief of losing my best friend and the love of my life, there was a question of financial survival. I had no money, no job, and no savings. After I moved, my emotional protection collapsed. I quickly found work and created an income, but felt hollow inside.

I questioned the Universe, God, or whoever oversees us. Why take one of the kindest men on the planet? I was baffled why my entire life was around loss? Why wasn’t I allowed to be happy and why did my happiness always have to end abruptly?

Three months later, I had to have David’s elderly dog put to sleep and shortly after, my favourite dog suddenly became ill and had to be put to sleep from an internal bleed caused by a tumour on her liver that we had no idea about.

I howled like a wounded animal driving back from the vet. How could life be so cruel? The dog that kept me laughing when I wanted to die was gone.

The final straw was breaking my hip in a freak martial arts accident in December 2021. Seriously, come on, Universe. I can’t take much more adversity.

So, you get the picture. Life was utter shit.

Waking Up

It took a long time, but in 2023, I began waking up. The Universe was, once again, laughing at my expense. I got laid off from two clients and suddenly found myself without an income again. But a weird thing happened.

I accepted. Stopped caring. I stopped fighting, and surrendered to the higher power.

It sounds easy, but it wasn’t. Like most of us, the urge to interfere is hard wired in me. How could I possibly allow whatever was to come without worrying about running out of money and becoming homeless?

My friends were baffled. “But you’re so calm, Jan,” they said, and I shrugged without explaining why I’d let go of control. I slipped into the stream of existence and told it to do as it wished. No longer fwould I fight or question adversity and would trust in the greater plan. I believed it would carry me into the stream of abundance, and it eventually did.

Weirdly, it’s working out.

How the Heck Do you Allow Everything to be OK?

Yeah, and I mean everything. You can’t pick and choose what you will and won’t allow. You take it on the chin for anything that does or doesn’t come your way. Here are a few examples:

• You look in the mirror and accept you are overweight and cannot fit into your clothes. Still, you feel happy you are alive and well.
• When a driver cuts you up on the road, you wish him well and acknowledge that you are safe.
• You don’t allow yourself to become unbalanced by adverse world events.
• You don’t try to change your loved ones to fit in with the version of themselves you’d prefer.
• You don’t try to influence the opinions of others even when you vehemently disagree.
• You see beauty and joy in the smallest things in life and nature.
• You accept physical pain, such as arthritis.
• If a relationship ends, you accept it has reached its peak and is no longer for you and the other person.
• You lose your job, and don’t get angry with your employer.
• A colleague goes behind your back. You accept he is a flawed being, as we all are.
• Your friend is making poor financial decisions. You offer support without judgment rather than “advising” her or commenting on her choices.

In short, you allow people, life and situations to play out around you without feeling the need to change what is happening or feeling insecure because it isn’t working out.

Try This Technique for Allowing

I just made this up, but it works.

Imagine there’s a door to a magical room. But toys are cluttering up the doorway.

You cannot get into the room, nor can anyone else. It’s Christmas, and you want to buy new toys, but you have nowhere to put them unless you clear away all the toys in front of the door.

The magical room is enormous and can hold many things you desire. Still, you like the toys and don’t want to move them, but you still want the new ones.

See the problem?

Oh, heck, maybe it isn’t such a good analogy, but I hope you get my drift. You cannot manifest something if the space isn’t there for it.

Making Choices

The law of allowing frees you from the desire to control. You still have choices, of course. Primarily, you can hoose how to react to external events. Choose love and seek emotional balance.

Allowing is challenging. It’s tough, and you will repeatedly fall back into controlling or resistance patterns. However, as long as you stay bound to these patterns, your manifestations will fall flat.

The law of allowing means there MUST be a space for the manifestation, and we MUST accept that it may come to us via a bit of a dog’s leg map.

If you feel you want to interfere, tell yourself, “It is none of my business. I trust the divine plan and accept this situation.”

Allow others to make their own mistakes. Be a friend, partner or colleague by being the person who doesn’t judge or feel compelled to share an (unasked-for) opinion.

Conclusion

I don’t know why David died. Perhaps I wouldn’t be the person I am now if it hadn’t happened. I’ve risen to challenges, overcome impossible odds and navigated life alone. I am supporting myself emotionally and financially, and, In June 2024, I embarked on a new chapter with an exciting business opportunity.

Had I been fearful, I would have found another “job” quickly and pushed myself back into misery. Life would have tossed me around until I landed where I was supposed to be. While training for the new business, I discovered I was profoundly missing creativity and authenticity. I have that now.

I still miss David and would give up a lot to have him back, but I accept that he departed from this life and gave me the room to develop spiritually and grow into a better person.

His death taught me that I can love deeply. I wasn’t fully aware of how much I loved David until he was no longer there. And let’s be honest, the Western world does not equip us to manage grief. We don’t talk about it, and it comes as a weird surprise when our parents and other loved ones die.

The law of allowing, though challenging, will have the biggest impact on your ability to manifest. When the ***t hits the fan, instead of reacting, detach with curiosity and say, “Well, that’s interesting.”

Good luck. Take your time; don’t beat yourself up when you slip back. The law of allowing takes self-awareness, commitment and dedication to practice. In time, it gets easier. I promise.