Archives for April 2024

Last Updated on April 24, 2025 by Jan Barley

Choose a life design and your life stops being something that happens to you. Though goodness knows it can seem like our lives are out of control sometimes, it’s more a case of becoming aware of how much we can influence our experiences.

If you’re anything like me, I am not short of ideas. Sometimes, my head buzzes with flashes of brilliance. However, implementing those ideas is a different story. I am neurodivergent, so creating structure can be problematic for me.

I’m learning to prioritise my ideas based on what will “move the needle.” In other words, I need to stop chasing shiny objects that are a waste of time and instead focus on doing the tasks that enable me to make progress, particularly in my goal to become financially free.

These four steps are how I better manage my mind to achieve the things I need and want to do to better design my life. You can choose a life design that aligns perfectly with your deepest desires.

1.   Identify Your Options

Jot down all the potential options you have. You might start by creating a mind map where you write all the ideas on paper in no particular order. After that, pull out the ones that are genuine opportunities and create a priority list.

This exercise stops you from reacting to external influences and steers you towards becoming proactive. It enables you to choose how you spend your time.

There is no shortage of opportunities, but we can get trapped in “decision overwhelm” and end up doing nothing or chasing the wrong thing.

2.   Narrow Down Your Options

If the brain feels overwhelmed, it naturally distracts you from those uncomfortable feelings. You find yourself switching on Netflix, eating a bucket of chocolate or doing something you find easy and enjoyable.

What I have learned is that I avoid doing the tough things. The problem with that is those tricky tasks often take me closer to my goal. For instance, I procrastinated on a task for several months because I knew there were technical aspects to overcome. I was experiencing brain fog and kept putting it off for fear of making a mistake.

What helped me overcome this challenge was to break down the entire task into bite-sized chunks. I accepted it was OK to do one small thing daily because it eventually got me to complete the task. Yay!

We are all different. Writing a list of pros and cons might work for you, or brainstorming with a friend might help.

3.   Making A Choice

The  most powerful question to determine how to choose from multiple options is to ask, “What do I want?”

Sit quietly, close your eyes and ask this question until you are 100% clear on your objective, dream or goal. Listen to your heart or your gut, but be aware that your brain can talk you out of taking “big” steps because it wants to keep you safe. So what you think is a gut feeling is your brain being a scaredy cat.

After determining what you want, the next question is, “Why do I want it?” This aspect is super important because what we think we want is often not our dream. It can be social conditioning, peer pressure, FOMO or something else.

For example, my dream of financial freedom is underpinned by a deep desire to be free. I’ve felt like that forever. I want to have time to do hobbies, buy a house (free me from rent) and enjoy meandering through my days without having to report to anyone else. I also want to spend less time on my laptop.

However, underpinning all of our dreams is a desire to be happy. We all want to be happy. We believe achieving “something” we prioritise will give us that.

4.   Let Go and Move On

After you have made a decision, let it go. Don’t worry whether you have done the right thing. Stand by your choice. If it falls apart, it wasn’t meant for you, and you know what not to do next time. You are unique. What works for one person isn’t right for another.

There are always other opportunities. We are in the flow of abundance. Let go of regret. Shrug your shoulders and move on. Listen to your intuition, your soul and your feelings. Sometimes, when something I wanted doesn’t work out, I feel relieved. Then, something much better comes along. Learn to trust yourself and detach from outcomes.

The more you can let go and not attach meaning to attaining what you think you want, the happier you will be. You will learn to become adaptable, flexing into life like a wise guru.

Creating a life design isn’t complicated. It’s more about figuring out what matters to you and how you want to live. Sadly, many people go their entire lives swept along by external influences and only realise what happened when it’s too late to shape their lives the way they (actually) want it to be.

I hope this article has helped you choose a life design.

Last Updated on August 26, 2024 by Jan Barley

Is the digital world messing our connection to a deeper reality? Yes, I genuinely believe it is.

Older generations connected to the earth by doing physical work. Time spent out in nature, even when it’s hard graft, reaches something deep within us that is impossible to replicate with a laptop.

I’ve been feeling out of sorts for a while, and after a conversation with a friend, I suddenly realised how long my life has revolved around my laptop. As a writer of three years, I cannot do my work without access to technology.

My friend said her ideal world would be days spent rewilding and doing physical work out in the fields. Her insight evoked a guttural reaction. I had to down tools, put the dogs’ collars on, and go for a long walk.

We both used to have horses and spent a lot of time outside. I lost my 36-year-old, Jack, in 2017 after 29 years together, but I decided that was it. Horses are hard work and expensive, but I missed that time when my head was clear of everything except being with my horse.

I’ve long been baffled at our acceptance of working a 40-hour week. Why do we accept this slavery other than to “earn” a living? We weren’t born to grind ourselves into a pulp with only a few measly days to actually “enjoy” time off.

Last year, I found myself in a toxic work environment. Even though I’m a freelance writer, the a-hole manager insisted on my reporting what I planned to do each day and how long it would take. At the close of the day, I then had to report what I’d done and how long it took.

WTAF!!!!!!!

What Happened Next?

Honestly, this micromanagement sucked the life out of me. My clients had always trusted my work, and my writing was a tangible result. I published two articles a week, so there was no need to question what I did or didn’t do. My results were tangible, but that didn’t matter to this *ickhead.

I worked 2.5 days a week. It’s hard to imagine putting up with this treatment for 40 hours a week. But people do. They hate their jobs and long for Friday afternoon.

After leaving, it took me six months to recover from the burnout. Being in a hypervigilant state for four months, I was exhausted. I was also client-shy and no longer wanted to pitch my work. I couldn’t face EVER being in that situation again. Thankfully, I have a few clients who leave me alone to do my job, never question what I do and respect my work. However, this horrible experience led me to digital marketing.

I walked the dogs for an hour this afternoon, pondering what my friend said. How about if we’re all stressed, anxious and exhausted because the reality that we accept as the norm is slowly destroying us? How can we ever return to a physical reality that makes us feel wholesome and alive?

Will Robots Pay Us Not To Work?

The truth is, I don’t think we can go back.

The exponential growth of artificial intelligence (AI) is unlikely to slow down, and “they” may eventually replace us in the workplace, or at least partly. What would our lives be like then? The experts suggest that AI would create trillions of dollars so humans would get a living wage and not have to work.

I hear you. Jan, that’s a freaking dream. Stop knocking it!

It’s not, though. Humans thrive when they have a purpose but turn inwards when there seems little point in life. I’ve seen this lack of structure cause havoc with teenagers from wealthy families. They don’t have a purpose. Mummy and Daddy pay for everything. The kids don’t have to struggle.

What’s the problem with that?

The struggle is what makes us grow. Overcoming obstacles is what makes us feel fulfilled and alive.

We strive to achieve. We enjoy competition and the connection it brings with others.

Back To Reality

The “thing” you think is “reality” is an artificial construction built with flimsy cardboard. This reality suits the government. They need the people to behave, be compliant and NOT rebel.

Society teaches us from an early age to sit at a desk and do as we’re told. That never sat well with me. I always felt like a cuckoo in the nest and questioned everything. In 1995, I left the corporate world and became self-employed. I have never worked more than 25 hours a week since.

Underneath the construction are sub-layers that keep society propped up. Retirement age keeps going up. In the UK, they are aiming for 71! WTF? As many people die in their late sixties, the government saves a fortune from not having to pay the deceased. They’ll waste it, of course.

When they raised women’s retirement age from sixty to sixty-six, the UK government made £200 billion. Where the **ck did that money go?

Sorry. I went off on a tangent, but it’s all relevant.

Here’s How To Reconnect

My message to you is, “Don’t be an ostrich“. You can pretend the world is perfectly OK as it is and reality serves us, but it does not. It slowly sucks the life out of you until your retire and die, wondering where the **ck your life went.

Society discourages entrepreneurs, even though they bring wealth into a country. We should all be entrepreneurs. There is no reason we cannot do it because we all have the capability. Still, we just don’t believe we have what it takes.

Why is that?

Come on, keep up.

Sit behind a desk when you’re five and stay there until you’re almost an adult. Learn to add up and pass exams and accrue ridiculous student debt. Learn **ck all about managing finances and leveraging compound interest. And let’s not talk about passive income because it doesn’t exist, right? Well, it does, so <<shrug>>

Never believe that you cannot change your life. You don’t need to get stuck in this dark hole of existence. Decide that you want something more, something better. Even if you don’t know what that is, hold the thought and watch for opportunities.

That’s what I did. That’s what I am doing. I found a direction. I’ve been scared to follow it because it is so much bigger than what I’m used to. However, thanks to my friend’s insight, I recognised my limiting thoughts and can now push through to the next stage.